|I don't have a picture of my adventure. So, instead imagine this as my metaphorical lion roar of bravery.|
As I type this, the air is filled with electricity. Thunder is rolling and fork lightning is jagging across the sky - tonight, home is the best place to be. However that's not always the case. For the past year I have been trapped within my house. It has become my safe place. The only time I leave is for medical appointments, or if Rob is by my side. Rob has become like my portable safe place. There's a comfort in his broad shoulders, warm hands and constant, steady presence.
I miss my freedom very much. I was always the sort of person who was constantly out and about. I went out alone and socialised with friends, and was very much secure in who I was, and what I was doing. But when my chronic fatigue became severe I had a terrible experience while out shopping. This really discouraged me from going out alone. And the less I went out, the less I wanted to go out.
But, this is not a wallowing post. This is an empowering post. Because, on Sunday - I left the house and went shopping by myself. It was a very short trip, and Rob dropped me in the town centre. But I spent about 40 minutes browsing the shops by myself, and then wandered home, alone.
It was absolutely terrifying, and for the first ten minutes my heart felt so jammed in my mouth I could almost taste it. My mouth was dry and my knees were set to a perma-tremble. After that time, I started to feel calmer and more excited about being able to shop alone. I flicked through books, stroked clothes and drooled over floral headbands. It was a huge step for me, and while it was so very scary, I did survive it.
I'm currently undergoing counselling to overcome my anxiety issues, and while I know my therapist would tell me I have rushed into things, I think it was an important step to take. It helped me to take back control, and that is everything to me.